Argentina!!

Evening. Again apologies in the lapse of correspondance. This time to tardiness. No excuses.. Right.. lets get stuck in... loads of news. As a warning this is quite a long edition so there might be a few toilet breaks.

After our final night we travelled to San Predo for the day (one-day passport stamp in Chile) and onto Argentina. San Pedro was wicked if expensive. Border town for the tourists. I didnt mind as much as Gorms- re: the previous sentence. The town was nice , and about as close as you can get to an early Hollywood Cowboy town. The next day, my accompalice managed to secure us tickets luckily to the city of Salta in Aregntina. A ten hour trip on the Chilian pony express.

Along the trip we hooked up with as group of cool austrailains (those two words have been put simised before in english language) and a bloke from Kent named Ben. After arriving in Salta late in the night we tried to secure lodgings as recommended by the bible (LP - Lonely Planed for those less travelled). No luck - popular accomodation booked out which brought us to a place next door. The Hostel beside our preferred place had a dormitory consisting of twelve beds containing two old blokes. Last of the summer wines extras. It was late so agreed to down bags and head for a famous argentenian steak. Prices releative and people over helpful. Quick pints and quick to bed.

Following morning - two vacant beds where the old blokes slepped. One of the aussies spotted one donning a suit and tie before exiting - presumably on the way to work. We changed Hostel. Back and up the road to the best hostel so far. A fimalarity I presume to early residents off Waco. Our host toured the maze of rooms and toilets which were neat and span. Finally, and as the jewel in the corwn, we were introduced to the Bar and open Roof terrace. The terrace consisting of a dining area and Barbeque on the summit of the city. The Aussies were emphoirc. They immeaditaley set about plans off setting up the evening meal on the Barb. Later that day was left to exploring Salta, and what a city. Chilled city of the year awards 2006/2007. Just a really nice town where the cops eat ice cream in the shade. Plesant and a relief to walk around without clutching your valurables.


Early back that afernoon after agreeing to meeting the Aussies and visiting the supermarket for the evening meal. The barb was prepred by Ben, stoked by John, and the steaks grilled by Mark. Suzy and I prepared a master class salad. The result was mignifico. Weather perfect, company cool and the food wicked. After we had served all our duties of preparation and enjoyed the meal, Gorms was nominated to do the wash up. Now imagine a theartical stunt gone wrong where Paul Daniels is left scratching his head after the lovely Debbie McGee is absent for a long period than was rehearsed. Gorms disappeared. The wash up duties were left vacant.
Two days later and we were on the way to Cordoba. The city is the second largest in Argentina, its University home and thronged with students. On arrival at the train station the first thing you notice is the stray dogs. The are huge and pedegreed. Fed on the scraps of steak and pork, the waste of Argentanian restaurants, these dogs belong to Cruff competitions.

On our own again, Brian and I checked into a local hostelary. That afternoon we filled our fanny packs, pulled up socks to knee height and set about touring the town. The small talk disintegrated after the first half an hour. One hour later we had completely not spoken to each other. Brian eventually slowed his pace, kneeled and gently squated himself on the side of a pavement. A gentle tear slowly crepped down my cheek as I glanced at Gorms. Our feeling was mutuale. His face ashamedly covered by his hands and he began to sob. The tears began to flow. I moved closer and threw my arms around him. Our heads buried into each others shoulders... He slowly uttered, lips quivering. "This is my Graceland..... and I thought Nirvana were just a band". The orchestra strings began into chorus... "Dont cry for me Argentina"...

If there were cameras to capture Hillary conquering Everest and when Armstongs capsule splashed into the sea it would have mirrored what only a few men have ever felt . Cordoba is absoluely filled with goddesses. The most beautiful women in the world line the streets. No exageration. Drop dead.. All the cliches... Valuptous bodies and angel faces. Queens of beauty. There is no such thing as a strip club here for visiting one would be like going to the cinema even though you have the DVD. Babies smirked and winked to us while in their stunning Mothers arms. Men cackeled in laughter as we stumbled across streets narrowly missing traffic with our heads in twisted . There is no place like this on the planet. Its heaven on earth. Belinda Carlyle was right.

After cleaning up Gorms in the toilet and assuring him that with a bit of excersise, a lot of surgery, even more make up, that beauty was still more than skin deep. That evening, still shaking, we decided to go for dinner. A local establishment was recommended by a bar man. The restaurant was massive, I mean huge. Tables lined everywhere filled with cutlery and glass. Food counters were steaming of vegtables. A barbeque as long as a bus was filled with steak, pork and lamb. The salad bar was like an exotic well-kept jungle. Except the restaurant was empty. We realised that we had not become adjusted yet to the dining time of the argentanian and it was still early doors (9pm). Nevertheless we approached the hostess and asked if it was possible to dine. She said Yes, of course except that there was a policy. She explained that the restaurant had an All you can eat service for 20 pesos. Which is about 3 pounds. I looked at Gorms. If Micheal Flatley, was on speed, aged 5, and had just found the lucky golden ticket for Willy Wonkas Chocolate factory it would not have come close to the palpable eurhoria that made Brian leap.

Contracts were signed and we were escorted to the counters. I requested the pork as a conterversial choice. The reminder of my plate was filled with delicious chilled salads. The pork rib was the size of a small child. I had not eat this well in months. Eventually, after devouring and in defeat I patted my mouth with a paper servette. By this time Gorms had still not returned from the counters. I had lost him between the grilled chicken steak and stirfry. Minutes later I heard the sound of hollow mouths open in gasped astonishment. I could see Gorms approaching my table balancing plates of food. The waiters diverted their eyes but conscious of what they were seeing and unable to speak. A crowd scene from The emperors new clothes came to mind. I could tell the hostess was about to regret putting us near the front window.

One hour later and my friend was making groaning noises unintentinal but passtionatlely with eyes closed. Hankies were still being fluttered over the pastry chefs face who was now lying vertical. Time came for the bill. It was my twist this time and I handed the waiter my Visa Card. He apologised and said that he was unable to except. This disrupted Brians nap and i immeadiately. He spat put the two pieces of chocolate that he had been dissolving in his cheek pouches. I sensed we were in trouble. The next few minutes we bickered with the waiter and management about how the transaction was going to happen. They wanted cash. We had none. In agreement, Brian went to visit the cash machine and I would stay as hostage.

An hour and a half later still no sign of Brian. At this stage I had gathered the same attention that a suspecious cheat might get at a poker table in Vegas. My table was circled by management. My cheeks were beginning to hurt from regurgatating the last mouthful of water from my glass. A humours tango was happening where management would edge forward and retreat with each step as I blew the water back into the glass. Eventually, Gorms appeared. He lent over the table and whispered that we were about to do a runner. I said to my friend that if I was gonig to be incarcerated that I would prefer if it was not refusing to pay a food bill and If so I would like to whistle the years away through my own teeth. We paid and left.

We met two Brazilian lads in teh dormitory who invited us out for the night. I declined as I suffering from a sore throat. Gorms flew the flag and opted to join them. I waited like an anxious mother when I noticed his bed was emoty the following morning. The clock pointed towards noon and still no sign. At last Brian turned up and grumpled something about waking him later at 5. Companionless for the afternoon I set about doing what any red blooded male would do with their free time in a city like Cordoba.....

The zoological gardens were built in 1917 and contain animals from distant parts of the world. Wild geese, lambs and ducks habitated the gardens. It was while I was watching the pigs of north europe wallow in their own #####.I thought of my friend Gorms laid out back in the Hostel after a hard nights boozing. Later on that evening I bumped into Gorms. He was startled when I approached him. He then said he was going to visit a spa for a back massage. Like two cowboys about to gun sling we both eyed each other suspesiously. I didnt tell him where I had been and he wasnt about to tell me the full truth of where he was going. I returned to the hotel and done some enquiring. One of the employees there menioned that he that enquire about the location of a local beautician. I took the address and set about immeadiately prusuing the truth of his trip.

What happened next will shock and amaze those of you who have known Groms as long as I do. I found the Spa/beautician and entered the establishment. From behind a curtain I could hear the moans of a grown man. I whipped open the curtian and found my friend in the middle of a pedicurement treatment. He loooked up agast. I ripped off my friendship bracelet and exited. I was ashamed. I have spent years and more intimately the last month with him and now have come to question his sexuality.

We stayed in Cordoba for two extra nights. The presidents inauguration here ment that we had severe difficultly trying to get a bus to Buenos Aires. Atfer waiting for two hours at the Terminal, we finally got seats on a bus. We were the only passengers. The whole bus for ten hours to ourselves. I took the back seat.. Gorms spread out semi naked on the front. Car lights silouhetted his tum tum from my angle.

Into BA. Arrived this morning. I took part in a tour of the Boca area. Famous for Football, Football, tango, Maradonna and football. Got a tour of the stadium and area. Really cool.

Clubbing tonight. Hugs n cuddles.