Jungle Journey Postponed - Poo Poo

After checking out of the hostel and getting to the airport we were told that all flights to Rurrenbaque had been cancelled for today due to bad weather in the jungle that refused planes to land. A rubbish result which means we will have to check back into the hostel and return the towels. The hostel is good craic but we´ve been there for a bit too long now. Its absolutely dirt cheap which is great... checking out I paid about 90 euro for 5 nights, including bed & breakfast, some lunch and gallons of beer.

Gorms has lost his treasured pair of 1998 Asics Trainers that he used to climb the Inca trail and do the Worlds Most Dangerous Road with He had been planning on getting them mounted and sold to the Hard Rock Cafe when he returned. They were last cited by myself after I spotted them underneath my bed where they had been strategically placed by my travelling companion, after noticing that paint was peeling of the walls off our room and I was getting a touch dizzy with the smell - a strong burgundy Cheese n Onion circa 1982, I decided to remove them. I placed them outside the room to deter predators, wild animals and burglars from entering but unfortunately the following morning they vanished. Just two muddy outlines to remind us where they stood.

Gorms is debating on replacing them... but cannot replace the memories.



Condolences can be left in the comments section of this blog entry.



By the way - Barry Higgins makes an appearance in the Simpsons.

Diesel Protests - Down with this Sort of Thing

I know there isn't much point in adding to Brian's comments since he has managed to detail the events of today in his last blog entry. Basically, nothing has happened today as per reason that the country is in protest regarding the lack of Diesel available. In reaction to this, nobody can get about the country because of road blockages. Hence all travellers are stuck where they are.

We had been promised by some locals absolute anarchy, with full scale riots and shootings. Eager to be with our brothers on the front line, Gorms and I decided to head towards the city centre. We couldn't have been more disappointed... Kids eating ice cream, families enjoying their day off in the park, I was disgusted.

We moved from the Town square to a tourist office and booked ourselves in for a trip to the jungle for a few nights. Gorms is encouraged of news about natural remedies that will be available there for his hemorrhoids. I agreed to keep an eye out when we get there, whilst he rubs his arse against the bark of a tree simulating like a cow with an irritating itch.

Post booking the trip, Gorms decided to go for a haircut and I joined to document the transition from halve beast, half animal, full monster to diplomatic impersonator and well respected local of La Paz excluding tash.On upon treking the streets, was like a scene from the Godfather, with local traders offering Don Gormally a sample of their finest produce. He's come a long way.

Check out the pciture below. I noticed that they have captured my image at the local stylists and its been a popular choice amongst the fashionable young men of La Paz. I smirked to myself when exiting the establishment, and didn't even ask for the royalty comission. Bless...

Uncle travelling Matt from Fragle Rock

These blogs remind me of Uncle travelling Matt from fragile rock,....."ohhhh I was here and ooohhhh I was there and it was amazing " Yeah was it fucking amazing ? Cause who the fuck asked ya anyways ? . I ll blog the head off ya. Any ways sorry about that..... that a little section that I call "Do ya know what really grinds my gears ? " Thus far Ross has had exclusive control over the editing of this blog................. well things are about to change. Let me tell you a few things about South America ...... yeah ? In South America life is cheap. In South America you get what you pay for In South America you don't always get what you pay for In South America don't throw used toilet paper in the toilet throw in the waste paper receptacle provided as the sewage system is unable to break down said toilet paper and it will probably result in blockages of some sort. In South America don't buy finger puppets off the street, buy them off a licenced vendor and ask to see their licence or certificate of registration.......... trust me this can save you a world of bother. The above are just a few nuggets of absolute gold that I am passing on to you should you ever visit. This is Pappa Gormo, as I am affectionately known by the locals, signing off. As you may have guessed there is not much going on to day. Ross and I are heading to the Rurrenabaque tomorrow for a 5 night jungle and pampas tour, so stay tuned until we return we more Uncle travelling Matt stories.............

Women Wrestling & The Worlds Most Dangerous Road

Arrived in La Paz and got to the Hostel at 7am. Gorms had booked a luxury double room with its own mirror. I barely recognised the man - full beard and a stone lighter - I thought I had accidentally walked in on Jack Osborune´s Room.

The adrenalin junkie himself acknowledged my arrival and went back snoring. Didn't do much for later that day as I was shattered and the altitude sickness kicked in. The hostel is funky enough and is owned by a few English and Irish lads. Its just been opened in March and is anything goes.

The following day one of the lads we bumped into in the hostel had some tickets for women wrestling. We´d nothing else planned so we decided to go. We got wind that you could bring some rotten fruit to throw at the ladies in reaction to their performance. Excited by this prospect Gorms and I went hunting in the city for fruit. We came across a young lad selling orange juice and we bought the most foul gone-off oranges from him which he thought was a bargain. He was pulling faces at his mates opposite his stand when we were handing over the money. We got onto the bus and asked if any other people had brought anything to throw at the contestants. Nobody had a clue what we were on about.

Onto the wrestling and signs were printed in english for the sake if the tourist pointing out that anything thrown will automatically mean removal from the event.... Of course I smuggled the gems in.

The wrestling was all show and was all men. Nothing real and nothing that we had been led to believe what the occasion would be - we were promised proper beatings with local women pulling hair and biting noses.

The event was running a bit stale (shit wrestling and no fruit throwing) until our hero, Brian Gormally decided to liven up it up - he reached into the bag and removed the most rancid orange. He peeled, halved the orange, griped one section of the fruit. He then exhibited the most beautiful and graceful shot of any man I have ever seen. The juice dripping orange catapulted at a velocity that smacked the 24 stone Latino wrestler from 30 yards. What happened next exploded into chaos. Men, women children lobbed everything from water bottles, cans and rotten fruit into the ring. The wrestler slide out between the ropes and picked up a piece of fruit from the ground and marched over to our side of the seating's. He spotted Gormally and from 5 yards threw back his arm gripping the offending fruit and vengeful for the humiliation he had suffered on his pinnacle night. Myself and Gorms hit the deck immediately - the wrestlers shot whizzed past us and smacked the face of a Japanese tourist. Now, I haven't wet myself since junior infants, but I squeezed my genitals with my thighs to prevent hot jets of urine from escaping.

Order was restored, the wrestling continued and eventually the Bolivian women got in the ring. It was all a bit of theratre and for the tourists.

The next day Gorms and I went Mountain Biking on the Most Dangerous Road in the World (TM). The road is 4300 metres above sea level which makes it difficult to breath and as Gorms pointed out - very difficult to light a fag. It was quality craic racing down dirt roads with their edges dropping hundreds of feet. No injuries are serious accidents but as thereisalwaysone.com, a Canadian bird smacked her face of the concrete (and easiest) part of the road. Lucky we had been given dust guards to protect our mouths and noses, and this prevented anyone seeing Gormally roaring his head off when we all stood around consulling the poor girl.

As we darted down the roads, there were stages were we would catch up with each other and restart at the same pace onto the next stage. One of thes stages, I got down before Gorms, the next people down were an Aussie bloke and some girls from Dublin. The Aussie guy´s bike was wobbling and his tried to control it with his laughter and tears blinding his view. The two Irish girls were spitting abuse and taking my friends name, your hero - Brian Gormally, in shokcing vain.

The aussie bloke collapsed onto the ground, rolled onto his back, kicked his legs into the air and held his belly in laughter. When he had restored himself, he descibed what had happened. As himself and the Irish girls came around a corner, they saw a person tangled into the frame of a mountain bike. As they got closer, they could make out it was Brian and it appeared that he was in a bad way, with one leg through the frame and his arm through the spokes of the wheel, his body contorted into the bike. The girls immeadiatley went nuts, frantic that the man wasnt alive, as they peaked on the panic register, Brian opened his eyes and gave a smile. His bike had suffered a puncture.